I'm Continuing To Make A Christmas List

6. A nasty divorce for Elvis Costello and his wife, so that he'll stop writing boring lounge music.

7. Three copies of A Million Little Pieces.

8. The installation of an intricate network of tunnels throughout the walls of my house that can be built into a guinea pig colony.

9. Ten gallons of lighter fluid.

10. A photo of Nikita Khrushchev giving a thumbs up.

I'm Starting To Make A Christmas List

1. A parrot that can recite pi to 20 decimal places and who addresses me as "champ."

2. A $4.50 Taco Bell Gift Card

3. A speed limit sign not ending in 5 or 0

4. Red shag upholstery for my car

5. The solution to today's (March 4, 2007) LA Times crossword.

Start shopping. We'll be adding more periodically.