LA City Municipal Softball League Rules, And The Atrocities Therein

My roommate and I joined a softball league, because as we're now in our twenties, it's just one of those things that guys do. We've called our neam "Making Moves" and have lined up a stellar group of assholes as ungifted athletically as us. We received the rule book today. While the fact that it's 56 pages is troubling in and of itself, some of the rules on their own are doubly suspicious.

SECTION 2– THE OBJECTIVE OF EACH TEAM is to win by scoring
more runs than their opponents.

SECTION 3– THE WINNER of the game shall be the team that shall have
scored, in accordance with these rules, the greater number of runs at the
conclusion of a regulation game.

NO WAY!

SECTION 27– THE OFFICIAL BAT shall be round, made of hardwood or
metal, no more than 34 inches long, and no more than 21⁄4 inches in diameter
at its largest part. A tolerance of 1/32nd of an inch is permitted for expansion.
The bat must have a safety grip of cork, tape, or composition material. The
safety grip shall not be less than 10 inches long, and shall not extend more
than 15 inches from the small end of the bat. Bats cannot be altered or
tampered with, including the manufacturer’s labeling.

The rules came with a two page list of banned bats. This is softball! Who gives a shit!

A BATTED BALL is any ball that hits the bat, or is hit by the bat, and
which lands either in fair or foul territory. No intention to hit the ball is
necessary in order for a ball to be declared a batted ball.

Thanks for clearing that up.

SECTION 6– THE PITCHER shall deliver the ball to the batter within 20
seconds after he/she receives the ball.

A time limit? I thought the beauty of baseball and sister sports thereof was that games could go on for days and days.

F. No Participant shall appear on the field of play at any time in an
intoxicated condition, or consume any alcoholic beverage (or use a
controlled substance) while on a recreation facility.

What sport are we playing? Are we in the God damn Olympics here? Doesn't alcohol technically impair your athletic abilities anyway?


This sucks. Now I'm just going to have actually play well.

MAKING MOVES 2K7