VMA nominees: Try to tell the difference from last year's list!

Here are the VMA nominees. They look like the high school kids' notebooks who are always debating whether Green Day or Blink 182 would win in a fight. I don't expect much from MTV, but at least they occasionally slip someone kind of cool like Jimmy Eat World into the running. And what the hell is "quadruple threat of the year?" Artist whose label purchased the most advertising packages across MTV, M2, MTVU and MTV Hits? It's hard to imagine an award show less relevant than the Grammy's (although the awards show broadcast is generally pretty entertaining), but I'm going to take a wild guess that Spencer and Heidi from The Hills will be both picking and presenting the winners for this one, proving once and for all how much MTV really just hates the lot of us.

Male Artist of the Year

Akon: "Don't Matter," "I Wanna Love You" (featuring Snoop Dogg), "Smack That" (featuring Eminem)
Kanye West: "Can't Tell Me Nothing," "Stronger," "Classic (Better Than I've Ever Been" — DJ Premier remix, featuring Nas, KRS-One and Rakim)
Justin Timberlake: "Let Me Talk To You/ My Love," "SexyBack" (featuring Timbaland), "What Goes Around ... "
T.I.: "Big Things Poppin' (Do It)," "You Know What It Is" (featuring Wyclef Jean), "What You Know"
Robin Thicke: "Can U Believe," "Lost Without U," "Wanna Love You Girl" (remix, featuring Busta Rhymes and Pharrell)

Female Artist of the Year

Amy Winehouse: "Rehab," "You Know I'm No Good"
Beyoncé: "Irreplaceable," "Beautiful Liar" (featuring Shakira)
Fergie: "Big Girls Don't Cry (Personal)," "Glamorous" (featuring Ludacris), "Fergalicious" (featuring Will.I.Am)
Nelly Furtado: "Maneater," "Say It Right"
Rihanna: "Umbrella" (featuring Jay-Z)

Best New Artist

Amy Winehouse: "Rehab," "You Know I'm No Good"
Carrie Underwood: "Before He Cheats"
Gym Class Heroes: "Clothes Off," "Cupid's Chokehold/ Breakfast in America"
Lily Allen: "Alfie," "Smile," "LDN"
Peter Bjorn and John: "Young Folks"

Best Group

Fall Out Boy: "This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race," "Thnks Fr Th Mmrs"
Gym Class Heroes: "Clothes Off," "Cupid's Chokehold/ Breakfast in America"
Linkin Park: "What I've Done"
Maroon 5: "Makes Me Wonder"
White Stripes: "Icky Thump"

Most Earthshattering Collaboration

Akon (featuring Eminem): "Smack That"
Beyoncé and Shakira: "Beautiful Liar"
Justin Timberlake (featuring Timbaland): "SexyBack"
Gwen Stefani (featuring Akon): "The Sweet Escape"
U2 (featuring Green Day): "The Saints Are Coming"

Quadruple Threat of the Year

Beyoncé
Bono
Jay-Z
Justin Timberlake
Kanye West

Monster Single of the Year

Avril Lavigne: "Girlfriend"
Daughtry: "Home"
Fall Out Boy: "Thnks Fr Th Mmrs"
Lil Mama: "Lip Gloss (No Music)"
T-Pain (featuring Yung Joc): "Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin')"
Timbaland (featuring Keri Hilson, D.O.E. and Sebastian): "The Way I Are"
MIMS: "This Is Why I'm Hot"
Plain White T's: "Hey There, Delilah"
Rihanna (featuring Jay-Z): "Umbrella"
Shop Boyz: "Party Like A Rock Star"

Best Director

Beyoncé and Shakira: "Beautiful Liar" (director: Jake Nava)
Christina Aguilera: "Candyman" (directors: Mathew Rolston and Christina Aguilera)
Justin Timberlake: "What Goes Around ..." (director: Samuel Bayer)
Kanye West: "Stronger" (director: Hype Williams)
Linkin Park: "What I've Done" (director: Joseph Hahn)
Rihanna (featuring Jay-Z): "Umbrella" (director: Chris Applebaum)

Best Editing in a Video

Beyoncé and Shakira: "Beautiful Liar" (editor: Jarett Figl)
Gnarls Barkley: "Smiley Faces" (editor: Ken Mowe)
Justin Timberlake: "What Goes Around ..." (editor: Hollee Singer)
Kanye West: "Stronger" (editors: Peter Johnson and Corey Weisz)
Linkin Park: "What I've Done" (editor: Igor Kovalik)

Best Choreography in a Video

Beyoncé and Shakira: "Beautiful Liar" (choreographer: Frank Gatson)
Chris Brown: "Wall To Wall" (choreographers: Rich & Tone and Flii Styles)
Ciara: "Like A Boy" (choreographer: Jamaica Craft)
Eve: "Tambourine" (choreographer: Tahesha Scott)
Justin Timberlake (featuring Timbaland): "SexyBack" (choreographer: Marty Kuldeka